Growing up I felt lonely and unseen. I was an only child with overprotective Christian parents who spent all their time focusing on what I was doing, saying and reading. It was a lot. Not only did I not feel prepared for the real world because I was absolutely unsure of what to do in social situations that came my way, but I was also scared to do and say the wrong things. That part had been bred into me from a young age when I was expected to be quiet and obey my parents even if I disagreed.
As a person who loves to think on theory and to play devil’s advocate to see all sides of every situation, it was tough living in a house that forced me to think only one way. I knew there was more to life but when I went out there to college I was terrified. It was difficult for me to make friends and feel accepted. I wound up learning from many, many mistakes. It’s hard for me to let that chapter of my life not affect me now and invade my thoughts. I know there are others out there that have overwhelming regrets and for us, I have come to learn that the key is to move forward and love the life we have now. We can live our dreams if we know that we are worthy of it and if we take the time for ourselves.
It was difficult for me to believe that I wasn’t just a screw up who deserved what unfortunate things came my way because I was bad at everything and wouldn’t succeed. I’ve come a very long way from my college years when I had zero self-esteem and so much self-loathing but it didn’t just turn around one day. Although I do believe everyone could use someone to talk to whether it’s a good friend, a confession box or a therapist, self-care books were the things that I gravitated toward and they opened my eyes to the things that we all do, not just me. We all screw up and we all fail, not just me. This concept might seem obvious, but it definitely was not for me. Hearing other people tell me that they were also a work in progress helped me a lot and I owe a lot to people who put their problems out there and said “but I still love myself because I deserve to be loved and I am actually a great person under all my stress, pain, trauma and personality quirks.” We are all people trying to find purpose and hope. We are all people who deserve to live our best lives- starting NOW!
Taking time isn’t an easy thing, I know. As a millennial, I totally understand working 3 jobs while going to school full time in order to make car, car insurance, phone, food and housing money just to get by. I’ve been there in line at the grocery store saying a silent prayer that my debit card doesn’t decline. But taking time for yourself doesn’t have to mean going to the spa or even taking precious time away from your kids in order to get yourself in a good place. Just doing one thing for you every day for a few minutes helps. Changing your life starts with changing your mindset. If you believe that life is hard and there is nothing good in your life and you are so stressed out- look for something. My thing has always been reading. I love it, but I did fall away from it (ironically during my college years when I needed it the most but was looking outside instead of inside to find what I wanted in life) and when I found books again that’s when all the positive changes in my life began.
Even if you aren’t a big reader or if you don’t have any down time, you’re in luck! Audiobooks saved me on long commutes and the plus is that with non-fiction the author usually reads the book.
I made a point to try to take 1 piece of advice from each book that I could remember and use in my everyday life. This made such an impact on me.
Here is my Self-Love Booklist that I encourage you to try because you deserve the best thoughts and life possible:
-The Self-Love Experiment: Fifteen Principles for Becoming More Kind, Compassionate, and Accepting of Yourself by Shannon Kaiser
-You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero
-Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty
-The Stories We Tell: Every Piece of Your Story Matters by Joanna Gaines
-Inner Engineering: A Yogi’s Guide to Joy by Sadhguru
-Niksen: Embracing the Dutch Art of Doing Nothing by Olga Mecking
-The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times by Michelle Obama
-Badass Affirmations: The Wit and Wisdom of Wild Women by Becca Anderson
-The Finnish Way: Finding Courage, Wellness, and Happiness Through the Power of Sisu by Katja Pantzar
-Good Vibes, Good Life: How Self-Love Is the Key to Unlocking Your Greatness by Vex King
Happy Reading! <3
