As a parent I’ve actually learned so much about humans.
I know that if my son doesn’t see something, than he probably will forget about it. This is bittersweet because those good or funny things that they grow out of we sometimes forget about too. But, in the purview of human nature, we could learn a lot. When a child doesn’t see the food we don’t want them to eat or the show we don’t want them to watch, after a while they do either forget about it or learn to live without it and this is also true for adults.
If we are looking to de-stress our lives it isn’t as easy as the beautiful smiling person says through typed words over their face to improve or get out of bad relationships, platonic or romantic, and it’s not easy to quit a job that gives you no good feelings whatsoever. Life is hard, and you are only adding to your stress thinking that you aren’t doing enough, that someone else made up their minds about something and then snapped their fingers and one month later they had found happiness as total complete people. This is totally unrealistic.
Some things are harder for some than they are for others. Those of us without local support circles, for instance. I have never had a day in my life (post living in a college dorm) when I had a bad day and went to eat ice cream on someone else’s couch. That was not my reality. I push through my days on my own energy, positive and negative, with some text message encouragement from my friends and family far away and that’s okay, but living a whole life in my own head isn’t.
I struggled for so long with circling thoughts, and I am not claiming to be frolicking in a field of daisies. Honestly, if I tried to take that video it would be the the Wizard of Oz version where I wind up in a place I didn’t mean to go and wearing some ridiculous footwear that doesn’t match my outfit, because in my head it was so cute but now…
I tried to totally turn my life around just to figure out that I was putting blockades of destruction right in my path. I started fitting in ample exercise into my routine, non-toxic skincare, cleaners and furniture, I picked up hobbies, did research on vitamin supplements, I learned about financial health and I went out of my way (and sometimes my budget) to make sure that my food was the best quality that it could be. All that and my reflection was, “huh, I haven’t had circling thoughts in a while. Maybe a week? Who knows?” All I needed was goals that were attainable and progress on my goals. My mind because consumed with moving forward instead of how stagnant I was or by micromanaging every hour of my whole next week to try to squeeze in every second of productivity in order to reach a goal.
As a writer, I let myself ease up on my completion date for the book I’m writing because I was forgetting that artists are all different and sometimes I need a day to just clean my dirty ass house. Some days, all that I can manage is to do the dishes, not get upset at a messy house and also not drop my dog off at the nearest cousins house and ding dong ditch because she ate something I didn’t want her to eat (usually a library book, all the socks, my favorite bra, the bottom of the picket fence, my hair ties, her bed or anything at all on the counter tops). Some days I just want to cook and write a blog post or practice for a yoga class that I’m scheduled to teach, or take my son to that new park we found straight after school.
Sustainable goals happen when we push out all those things that we stress over: bills/the future of how we are paying these bills over the course of the next 5 years, our jobs/work we know we’ll have to do in the future, believing that I am not where I want to be and I need to pressure myself into success, questioning little and big things and specific situations that lead me to where I am now. Once I put healthier activities in my routine and began to enjoy my days every day while I saw progress, I started to slowly let go of the things that I held onto. I traded unhealthy obsessions with healthy obsessions. The feeling is amazing and I do believe forever.
I enjoy my 3 mile walk, not jog or run, on my treadmill and my small word count goals for my book because on the days that I do go above and beyond, I feel great about myself and my progress. When I’m reading, I’m not on my phone. When It’s 10pm, it’s bedtime. By finding some goals that I can reach, I found my confidence and love for myself. Once I found that the progress and subsequent happy feelings just started lifting to the top like fully cooked gnocchi.
I am honest with myself now and allow myself to give up on things that don’t serve me because I am growing. I am stretching out of little box that my anxiety kept me in. I can see that there is more that I can do and be.
I encourage you to try to remove the thoughts from your mind that give you stress by trading them in for a healthy obsessions instead. Getting to be by a certain time, adding a workout to your day or week, trying something new that you think you’ll enjoy (even if you don’t end up enjoying it, you tried and that’s more than yesterday you did!), read a chapter a day, lay in bed for an extra 15 minutes, take a bath once a week, meditate on your lunch breaks, meal prep your days with healthful and exciting new recipes, drink your water. Set time aside for you at any time that you can and be kind to yourself, because you really are doing the best you can.
Things I Stopped Thinking:
WebMd’ing myself- I just say no. “No, I am not going to look that up because I don’t want to know. I will ask my doctor about that, not the internet at midnight.”
Telling myself I’m not making enough progress in my life/being unhappy with where I am- I am so lucky to be where I am and there are some people stressing about getting to the point I am right now, so it’s actually a little ungrateful of me to not appreciate every single day. I try to focus on counting my blessings and not validate past insecurities and regrets.
Keeping up with literally anything except the necessities- besides making it to work and getting my kid to school, everything else is extra and totally my choice. If I don’t want to go, I ain’t goin’.
Doomsday thoughts- Whether we want to believe it or not, realistically, we are all spinning on this giant marble without any control. Constantly thinking about that fact does not serve me or help me to appreciate or enjoy the time that I do have here, so I do not need to think about it.
Things I Started Thinking:
I can totally try a garden and if it lasts, it lasts.
I can try new health drinks and methods and if I like it, it’ll keep it,
I can try to keep on track with my goals, but at the end of the day I want to go to sleep smiling.
It’s all going to be okay, YOU are okay right now and tomorrow you will be okay too.
Namaste friends <3