Are the closest people to you causing you to want to hide under your covers in the morning or leave your phone at home?
Sometimes we just need a people cleanse.
Our lives are full of obligations, whether you have children that need car rides, changes and feedings or pets and parents with health problems. We are all needed in some way and it’s okay to say ‘this is just to much for me right now.’ You aren’t saying forever, you are saying that you need a mental health day.
It’s also okay to go to your boss with an issue at work or to make big life choices, like moving or asking someone to move, when you are uncomfortable or feel stressed in your own home.
Setting boundaries with anyone is not an easy task, and certainly less available when the person you need a break from lives in the same house as you. I’ve compiled some tips from my experiences that I hope encourage you to take some time for yourself when it’s needed because if you don’t, what’s the outcome going to be?
We bend over backwards for others but simply forget that we are people who need the same care. Self-love and Self-care start with recognizing that you are worth the time that you take for yourself to recharge, just as our bodies need to sleep at night, our minds and spirits need a break once in a while too.
Tips for setting boundaries in hard situations:
- Parents live with you: It is so difficult to work around other people in your home. Whether you live with them or they live with you, it doesn’t matter. I get it. I’ve been there. Inevitably I had to ask for my in-laws to find their own apartment when the building of the basement apartment they were supposed to move into was not moving fast enough. I had a new baby and I needed space and the ability to be a wife and a mother who makes decisions in my own household. It took me years to do this and it cost me a lot of stress in the guilt of telling someone they needed to move out but in the end it was one of the best decisions I made for my own life. In the end all of us in the situation went on to be happier and now we have a much better relationship. I totally understand the financial or health end of this where a parent might live with you who cannot live on their own, but if it is causing you much grief try to ask around for ideas for ways to help make a move or find a caregiver who could take a little of the stress load. Remember, talking about things is always the best option. I also had to move from my childhood home because my mother, who struggled with mental illness her whole life, was causing me exorbitant amounts of stress. She was not happy about this, but in the end it was a god decision to separate myself.
- Toxic partners: This is always the first thing that self-help books mention and that’s because the weight of other people is so crushing sometimes. I survived a verbally, mentally and emotionally toxic relationship by blowing it up and I’m so happy that I did. As an empath it is super difficult to say no, so I would take on much more than I wanted to and as I did I told everyone around me that it was okay. So, what happened was that I held inside so much toxic energy I was unhappy in my own home every single day. Once I said enough emotions were flying around in all different forms but in the end, I’m so glad I got that out of me. People can change and if they do care about you, then they will change. If they can’t change then you pack what you can and leave for even a short time to clear your head and get some perspective. book a trip for yourself alone or with your kids or cousin or best friend. If you can’t book a trip, invite someone to coffee. Call your health insurance company and find a therapist who can help talk you through it, I personally recommend Brightside (no idea what areas they cover but they are on Google), I found a therapist that I love and we do telemed appointments so that I can stay home.
- Co-workers: Oh boy, I’ve had amazing colleagues and I’ve had people who keep me awake at night. Working with someone is like living with them you are with them so much. When you have an issue at work, bring it up with someone. Anyone. I’ve had to do the hard thing and stand up for myself when I didn’t feel I was getting proper breaks or being considered. I even left a job that I loved to be the Head of a Department at a library where the employees did not want the position to be filled and therefore complained about every change that needed to be made and used me as a scapegoat. It wasn’t me in particular they didn’t like, they just didn’t want anything to change and didn’t have a clear understanding of the job I was hired to do. One thing I will say is that your boss need to listen. If your superiors do not understand the concerns you bring up regarding your treatment in the workplace- leave. I’ll be plain and simple on that one. Work should never be a toxic environment.
- Friends: I love my friends but there were times over a decade ago when I couldn’t afford a lot of the hangouts that we did and I felt obligated to spend the money to go out. I couldn’t not spend money on my friend’s birthday even if they picked an expensive restaurant that I couldn’t afford. I would put aside a phone bill or a credit card bill in order to go and I would stress myself about it afterward, usually picking up an extra shift in my already packed week. Sometimes, you just have to learn to say no. It took me SO long to learn this, but it is strength to be able to take your life in your own hands and know what’s best for you. Just like your partner, if your friend is a true friend they will understand. My friends are still my friends today a decade later even after I had to miss some events that I just couldn’t swing. It’s tough to say no, and there might be some FOMO in the mix I sure do feel some over the trips I had to skip because I was too broke, but putting yourself in a hole isn’t worth the stress.
We all know by now that stress is so toxic to your health. I lived with chronic stress from birth ebbing into my mid-30’s because I didn’t know any better and started on my self-love, self-care healing path when I began to feel health problems related to the heavy stress that I continually lived with. I started reading books and looking for tips just like these to help me change my life even a little bit and believe me, I am a full 360 degrees from the person I was before 2020 when my journey began.
Mantra:
I have enough
I do enough
I am enough
<3
Every little bit of change and standing up for yourself counts toward the stress-less life you want. Don’t give up on yourself!
