When it comes to chronic stress, it can feel like you don’t even know how to be a human that doesn’t constantly worry, have neck and back pain, sleep less than 7 hours a night and wake up with circling thoughts that invade your entire day, making you feel tired and headachy.
One study published by the Annual Review of Clinical Psychology and archived by the National Library of Medicine, shows that when parents break the habits of stress and free themselves to be more attentive and nurturing, our children become less stressed, low-anxiety adults.
The study says, “Although genetic inheritance undoubtedly plays a role in determining individual differences in response stereotypy, neonatal experiences in rats have been shown to produce long-term effects in cognitive-emotional responses (Levine 1957). For example, Meaney et al. (1993) showed that rats raised by nurturing mothers have increased levels of central serotonin activity compared with rats raised by less nurturing mothers. The increased serotonin activity leads to increased expression of a central glucocorticoid receptor gene. This, in turn, leads to higher numbers of glucocorticoid receptors in the limbic system and improved glucocorticoid feedback into the CNS throughout the rat’s life. Interestingly, female rats who receive a high level of nurturing in turn become highly nurturing mothers whose offspring also have high levels of glucocorticoid receptors. This example of behaviorally induced gene expression shows how highly nurtured rats develop into low-anxiety adults, who in turn become nurturing mothers with reduced stress responses.”
I knew that I made a breakthrough in my stress-less journey when I was able to conquer those circling thoughts and that one day that I lived without the to-do list of what I needed to get done that day, week, month stopped cycling through my mind, I found more time to actually be productive. This in turn made me more present and available for my son and I believe does make me a more nurturing parent, hopefully breaking the cycle of stress for him in the future.
Breaking the cycle of stress is a very difficult thing to do but we know how damaging it can be to our bodies, minds and relationships, so every little bit of the work is worth it.
I have some books in this post that I recommend for your stress-less journey because each one taught me something that I needed at the time. The biggest take away from all of these is that wellness, as I consider the stress-less journey to be a subcategory of, is not a change one thing and you’re good kind of thing. There is no one solution. It is a practice that only works when it works for you.
If you can’t afford the money or time to workout and get out of your mind or you don’t like or have time for a smoothie every morning, this doesn’t mean you are going to be doomed to be stressed forever.
Yes, consider your relationships and your boundaries. Consider your job and the stress that might be there. Consider how much time you spend alone and how much valuable time you spend with friends and family. Consider how much time and money you actually can put into your self-care and then once you’ve done that make yourself a real schedule that works. If you can do an online yoga class once a week, great. If you use a lavender essential oil roller in the car when you sit in traffic to calm your anxiety, awesome. If you talk on the phone with a friend on your lunchbreak, perfect.
Try some swaps: swap your third coffee for a fruit juice or a water, swap your bag of chips for an apple, swap watching Netflix on your phone during lunch breaks for going for a short walk, swap scrolling through social media before bed with 10 minutes of journaling and a sleep meditation podcast or audiobook, swap yelling at your kids to clean up for a let’s do this together approach, swap obsessing about what to do this week with what you need to do this second, swap circling on if you said or did the right thing for it is what it is, swap worrying about what your partner is doing for positive affirmation notes to yourself. Everything will be okay, you are wonderful and everything will be fine.
A big part of my stress and trauma healing has been becoming okay with the world not being controlable. Is it scary? Hell yes. Is it often not the way I want it to be? Daily. Is everything going to turn out okay? Most likely. There are things you can change, such as the way you are treated in your relationships and there are things that are not as easy to change, such as maybe your finances or health. We need to take everything in stride, confide in others, and enjoy our day to day lives.
I spent so much time trying to cram as much in my days as possible so that in years from now I can hope to be living the life that I want. I wasted so many years doing that just to be stressed over having so much on my plate that I wasn’t enjoying anything at all and it felt like I missed my son’s whole second year of life stuck in my own head.
Now, I work on time management to try to get done the things I want to do but also to have time to enjoy my actual days. I have found that I’m actually more refreshed and productive when I give myself time off and say “okay, well I don’t need to do that right now. I can do that another day.” As someone who usually sets their goals too high and then can never reach them, which makes me feel like I’m failing at life, it’s helpful to give myself a little self-love and say “you’ve done enough. you are enough. you have enough,” my favorite mantra.
I hope you can find some peace and progress on your stress-less journey with the help of a good mantra, some self-love and kindness and these books!
Namaste friends <3
